Chris NOT dead

TOKYO - Scenes of confusion, indifference and apathy were reported here earlier today as it was revealed that Chris is not actually dead. Despite apparently genuine reports that the author of Tokyo Tales had passed away, as evidenced by the fact that nothing funny had been written by him for nearly a year, Chris today announced that he had, in fact, "just been really busy. Sorry."
"I've been working on a new website, and I guess I just forgot to keep in touch with people. Also I injured my typing finger in a vodka-pouring accident a few months back, so things were hard for a while there" said Chris, 24.
"I'm building a site for learning Kanji, which helped me prepare for a Japanese test in December. Now that the design is finished and I'm just expanding the number of kanji featured, I should have more time to do the important things in life, like getting in touch with friends, reporting on the strangeness of Japanese TV, and eating proper food." Independent reports confirmed that Chris' fridge contained some orange juice and a 4-month old persimmon.
The very-definitely-alive Chris also reported that he would be working hard to expand his Self-Indulgent Tripe Extravaganza website to include reviews of books about what he referred to as "the whole Japan thing" and information about "clubs and stuff" in Tokyo.

Mrs Jennifer Gusset, 87, of Lewes, East Sussex, appeared not to be unduly bothered by the news that Chris, author of the hugely popular Tokyo Tales series and erstwhile commentator on the weirdness that is modern-day Japan, was not in fact dead. "I'm 87, you know!" she was reliably quoted as saying.

After a slow start to trading, shares rose across the board on the ChrisEx here in Tokyo today as traders reacted with cautious optimism to the news that Chris was not in fact dead. The market had been largely stagnant since the announcement two weeks ago that the author of Tokyo Tales was dead.
After a directionless start, shares had risen slightly by noon. All indices were up, with the Chrissy 100 broad-band indicator posting a healthy 18.2 point increase to 4274.6 at midday. The HUMRX, measuring how funny Chris is currently being, climbed only 7.1 points to 755.9, still well short of the year's high. "It's too early to say," said one analyst. "I mean, it's positive that he's not dead, but how funny is he going to be? Until we start seeing some kind of output, this valuation looks pretty fair."

Dates for Chris' forthcoming "Xmas Fun Millenium Tour" were recently announced. Chris let it be known that he would be in the UK as of the 21st of December, and planned trying to catch up with numerous people during his two-week stay.
Chris was quoted as saying he was "really looking forward to central heating" and "not having to sleep in three layers of clothing for a while"
Anybody wanting to contact Chris because he owes them an explanation for being such a lazy good-for-nothing should make their grievances known, his agent said.